If you're bored and want a good laugh. I had fun with my eBay item descriptions.

[thenightman]

Just like all of you, I have been bored to death here at home. So, I decided to finally list some cards that I've been meaning to sell forever. One of the things I really dislike about listing is the "item description". It's just cards, man. What am I really going to say? So, I decided to just have fun with it. I got really crazy with all of my listings, and if you want to have a good laugh, go through them at your leisure. :)

I'm not really posting this to try and convince you to buy the cards. Buy them, don't buy them; that's not why I'm posting this. I just wanted to give a little back to all of you that have helped me in my collecting journey; whether it was directly or indirectly.

Anyways, here's an example of one of my listings...

https://i.ebayimg.com/thumbs/images/g/ePsAAOSwgrJeilez/s-l225.jpg

While he may be small in stature, he makes up for it in price. This isn't a cheap card, but nobody every called Ozzie Albies cheap; at least not to his face.

I was confused when I first saw the card, because it says Ozhaino Albies. I was like, "Who the hell is Ozhaino Albies?", but then someone told me he was related to Ozzie Albies, and I was like, "Oh, that makes sense." So, while I'm pricing this card at Ozzie Albies pricing, know that it's actually a card signed by "Ozhaino Albies", I think it's his twin brother. Kinda like how Ozzie Canseco is the twin brother of Jose Canseco. Hey! Ozzie Albies, Ozzie Canseco? Do you think they might be related?

Either way, the card looks really good. He signed it in cursive "fff". I don't know what that means, maybe it's a nickname, or something.

I know what you're thinking, "Is this guy gonna charge me shipping?" No, I'm not gonna be that guy. You're welcome.

Also, cause I'm in the giving mood, I'm gonna list this as a "Best Offer" listing. Now, before you even think about low-balling me, know this. My Grandmother was a voodoo priestess and she already told me that if anyone sends a low-ball offer, she's gonna put a hex on you. I wouldn't try your luck. One time our mailman didn't bring a package to the front door, and instead stuffed it into the mailbox. My Grandmother put a hex on him and he hasn't walked right since.

[jataman2612]

:cry::cry: Those descriptions are hilarious! This one is by far my favorite.



Either way, the card looks really good. He signed it in cursive "fff". I don't know what that means, maybe it's a nickname, or something.

[seanbros55]

This is great!

I remember one from a few years ago for a Trot Nixon base card for $10,000 with a description that would make any Red Sox fan bust a gut laughing over.

Let’s keep this going!

I’ll definitely create a few listings to add to this thread this week.

[thenightman]

Here's another one.

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/S4UAAOSwbTNei-TS/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Heritage 1969 Buyback; 50th Anniversary; Bill Short; Reds #259


Here we got a card of Bill Short. Normally, I couldn't give this card away, but this card has that fancy Topps 50th Anniversary logo on it.

I thought Topps would make a bigger deal out of it's 50th anniversary than just throwing a gold stamp on the card of a pretty unremarkable pitcher, but here we are.

Believe it, or not, Bill Short is still alive, so if you wanna get his autograph on this card, the good news is you can. The bad news is that he's 82, so he might not remember that he's Bill Short.

The name Bill Short actually fits him quite well, considering he only stood 5'9", in his playing days, and was also known to be a cheapskate, but that one is unsubstantiated.

What is substantiated is that while Bill Short may have been short, he had a big heart. Not known to the general public, but very well known to friends and family, Bill Short loved walking old ladies across the street, volunteering at the Salvation Army as one of those guys who rings the bell during Christmas time, and for giving up the aisle seat on airplanes.

This card can be yours for only $10 because Bill Short was a perfect 10; plus shipping.

[thenightman]

One more...

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/2dwAAOSwJ4xeil-a/s-l140.jpg
1966 Topps Venezuelan; Tony Cloninger; Braves: #10


As a boy, my Grandfather, was a huge Braves fan, but life has a way of taking the loves of your youth and leaving them in the past. This story was no different.

As an adult, my Grandfather had moved to Venezuela to try his luck as a salesman of vacuum cleaners. Times were tough, not for Venezuelans, mind you, they were enjoying an oil boom at the time. In fact, at that time Venezuelans were enjoying the highest wages in Latin America, but not my Grandfather. To be honest, he was a terrible salesman. I found out later it was mostly due to the fact that he didn't speak Spanish!

Well, times were tough for the old man. At one point he could barely rub two nickels together, or whatever would be comparable to nickles in Venezuela. He was down and out, and that's just the truth of it.

While sitting on the stoop of his apartment, wishing and hoping for a break, he looked across the street at the corner market and saw a sign in the window. He couldn't read a word of it, except for one word "Topps". He knew what Topps was because as a boy he would collect baseball cards. He had all the greats, Mickey Mantle, Henry Aaron, Sandy Koufax, etc., but then one day his mom, my Great Grandmother, threw them out because it was like that back then.

Sitting on the stoop, all the memories of my Grandfather's youth came springing back to life. He was filled with hope again! He said to himself, "I may not be able to rub two nickles together, or whatever would be comparable to nickles in Venezuela, but I'm gonna buy a pack of Topps cards."

My Grandfather marched in and said, "One pack of Topps cards, my good sir!" The guy at the counter looked at him blankly, because he didn't understand English. My Grandfather, undeterred, yelled, "Topps, per farver!" The guy behind the counter didn't know what "per farver" meant, but he heard the word "Topps" and grabbed a pack of Topps cards. My grandfather couldn't contain himself. He opened the pack, right then and there. He got a bunch of cards of players he didn't recognize, but one stuck out. THIS CARD!

It was a Braves card, my Grandfather's favorite team! He saw it as a sign that things were going to turn around. He cherished the card. He knew that this card was an omen! He knew that this card was going to lead to success! He was sure that this card would help him become the greatest vacuum cleaner salesman in all of Venezuela!

He got fired the next day.

But he had THIS CARD! So, my Grandfather moved back to America, got married, had kids, and one of them drew on the card, covering Tony Cloninger's front teeth, as you can see, and spilled Coca-Cola on it. Dang kids!

Then one day, I found the card, and my Grandfather told me this very story. He then, amazingly gave me the card and said, "Son, the card is yours, cherish it." Now the card can be yours at the super low price of $14.99, or best offer.

[DMCSports]

This is the best thing I've seen in a long time.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/NK0AAOSwu~RejQTA/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Series 2; Shohei Ohtani; Angels; Lot of 3

Little known fact about Shohei Ohtani, he once was an ordinary man like you and me.

As a boy, his Grandfather would tell him tales about great Samurai warriors, but one always stuck out to him. It was the story about the greatest Samurai ever; Ishida Takamori.

As the legend goes, Takamori was obsessed with being the greatest Samurai. He practiced endlessly and completely devoted his entire life to the ways of the Samurai. One day, he found himself face to face with his mortal enemy; Toyotomi Yukimura. The battle was fierce, but it was what should have been a fatal blow that ended the battle. Yukimura was the victor and Takamori was left for dead.

But he didn't die.

The realization that he was not the greatest Samurai filled him with a rage the likes that had never been seen. He cursed Buddha, and all the ways of the Shinto. He knew that the only way to defeat his mortal enemy was through mystical means.

He spent years studying the forbidden texts and one day reading a book, bound by what some considered human flesh, a map fell out.

The map showed an arduous journey that ended at the top of Mt. Fuji. Takamori followed this map, nearly dying many times in his quest, all the way to the top of Mt. Fuji. At the top a voice rang out and said, "Anata ga nozomu mono wa nani demo so kamo shiremasen."

"Whatever you desire may be so."

Takamori desired to be the greatest Samurai ever. The voice said, "Sore wa sodesu."

"It is so."

Takamori never made it to the bottom of Mt. Fuji. He froze to death.

Ohtani was obsessed with this story. Ohtani wanted to be the greatest baseball player that ever lived, so Ohtani spent his youth searching for these texts that bewitched Takamori. He read every book he could find, even the book of flesh, but there was no map.

Then, one day, out of the blue, he found the map while reading "What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and a map fell out. It was the same map!

Ohtani packed his things and made the journey to the top of Mt. Fuji; nearly dying many times.

At the top of the summit, the familiar voice rang out and said those familiar words, "Anata ga nozomu mono wa nani demo so kamo shiremasen."

Ohtani put forth his desire and the voice said, "Sore wa sodesu."

Ohtani made it down Mt. Fuji and now he plays for the Angels. Whether he will become the greatest baseball player that ever lived isn't in question.

I do not tell you to look for the map. Many men have died in the search for that which they desire.

Just buy these cards instead.

[Wolf8MeVillie]

Yup, this was a fun little read, put a smile on my face!

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/XwEAAOSw3TNei~hz/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Heritage High Number; Black Border; Tyler Naquin; Indians; #630; Erro


Here's an interesting card of a pretty uninteresting player; Tyler Naquin.

When I opened the pack I noticed all the cards had white borders, but this one has a black border. I think it must be some kind of error, so I'm listing this card as an error cause I wouldn't put it past Topps to make such an error.

Well, I was gonna list it as an error, but I ran out of spaces, so I just put "erro". You get what I mean.

Anyways, Tyler Naquin is known for being an outfielder for the Indians, but what you didn't know was that his grandfather was the inventor of a cough medicine that people still use to this day. Can you guess what it is?

That's right; Robitussin.

Another cool fact about Tyler Naquin is that in his part time he builds mannequins. I heard its because he hopes one day one of them comes to life, and then hijinx can ensue between the two of them and a bumbling security guard, during the night shift, ultimately culminating in them falling in love and getting married.

I also heard he's related to the actress Anna Paquin.

This card can be yours for $5.99, mannequin and Anna Paquin not included.

[thenwhatjk]

Keep doing the lord’s work my man

[IndySportsCards]

Classic! Well done sir!

[thenightman]

Thank you all for the kind words. I'm happy that you're getting enjoyment out of it. On that note...

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/M8sAAOSwrtteiq~i/s-l140.jpg
Topps; Bowman; UD; Panini; Playoff; Autograph lot (10); Braves; Foltynewicz Auto

Okay, before you is an autograph lot of a who's who of who knows! Seriously, though, it's a lot of Braves pitchers and their autographs. Below is a little about each card.

2006 Topps Co-Signers Autograph - Chuck James

Remember that guy, me neither. He pitched for the Braves long enough to autograph some cards before he was rudely released and had to get an honest job like the rest of us schmucks.

2008 Upper Deck USA Baseball National Team Red Ink 25/50 - Mike Minor

This is actually a pretty rare-ish card. If you're trying to collect this set this might be the only reason why you'd want this card. Mike Minor is pretty average, but did have a pretty solid season this past year. Some call it a career resurgence. I call it an anomaly. Take advantage of my pessimism and get a hell of a deal.

2011 Playoff Contenders Autograph - J.R. Graham

Holy smokes, look at that autograph! Honestly, I'm not sure if he signed it or a 6-year old. Sorry, I'm being rude. It's yours and I won't even charge you for it. Here, just have it.

2011 Topps Chrome Autograph - Brandon Beachy

Oh, man, that guy was pretty good, wasn't he? Until he blew out his arm, that is. I'll say this, his career didn't last long, but man, could that guy sign a card.

2011 Topps Chrome Autograph - Julio Teheran

When this guy isn't not hitting the broad side of a barn, he's signing autographs, and I got one here. He plays for the Angels now, I think.

2015 Bowman Chrome Autograph - Luiz Gohara

Guys got a bum shoulder, but he could make a comeback, which would certainly mean I'm selling low. And I am.

2015 Bowman Chrome Purple Autograph - Luiz Gohara

Okay, now you're just taking advantage of me.

2015 Bowman Best Autograph - Matt Wisler

Haha, fooled you. I gotta give up some of this gold for you to take this Wisler auto off my hands. Think of like how the Braves had to trade Kimbrel to get rid of BJ Suckton. Speaking of which, that trade is how the Braves landed Wisler. Weird world, huh?



Now we get to the cream of the crop, well maybe not the cream of the crop, but it's certainly the cream of something.

2015 Bowman Best Autograph - Kolby Allard

Ya, is this guy any good? I don't know. Is Bowman Best a good card to have? Probably not, but when you put the two together it's pure dynamite!

2015 Panini Elite 21st Century Autograph - Mike Foltynewicz

Okay, in full disclosure, I had to look up this guys last name to spell it right. That being said, he's a pretty darn good player. This card is probably for someone who just likes autograph cards, no matter what. Like, first you’ll get the bowman chrome, then the topps chrome, and then probably like 10 other auto cards, then this card. If you’ve gotten all those, well here you are, probably the last Foltynewicz auto rookie on your list.



So, I know what you're thinking, "There's no way I can buy this lot. This listing has to be like a $1000!", but you'd be dead wrong. No way I'd do that to you. Instead, I'll let it go for $29.99. That's only $2.99 an autograph, and the Minor card is like, at least a $10 card; and you're getting the Graham card for free. So, you're making out pretty good.

[thenightman]

I see the thread got moved. I don't blame the mods. It does appear to be spamming my eBay page, even though that really wasn't my intent. Either way, I'll roll with it and just keep posting for the hell of it.

Again, buy the cards, don't buy the cards. I just wanna spread some laughs.

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/t6AAAOSwm8teirBF/s-l140.jpg
2015 Bowman Best Autograph; Dansby Swanson; Braves; B15-DS; Auto

I never thought anything could be cooler than Dansby Swanson's hair, but then I saw this card! You got him giving the devil horns in a diamondback uniform. Did you know diamondbacks are poisonous? So, you got this guy wearing the uniform of a poisonous snake with devil horns, dude is freakin' metal!!!

I mean, is the guy a devil worshiper? I can't say for sure. I've heard weirder conspiracies, to be honest. You ever hear that conspiracy theory about how the moon doesn't actually exist? It's like some hologram to fool us from discovering that the planet is really ruled by lizard people, pretending to be humans, who feed on oil and gold, or something.

Then there's the one about how Saddam Hussein had a stargate. Ya, the theory goes that the second Gulf War was waged in order to close a stargate owned by Saddam Hussein, thus preserving the ambitions of the New World Order and preventing an alien invasion of Earth. I think I believe that one.

Oh, and the one about how Jay-Z is a time traveling vampire. Ya, there's this picture from 1939 with a guy in it that looks like Jay-Z and he's like holding a cell phone, I think. If he's a vampire, then that must mean that Beyonce is a vampire too, right?

Anyways, here's this card if you want to buy it. It's a cool looking card. I'm offering local pickup if you wanna hang out and talk more about conspiracy theories.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/UlYAAOSw5uleilTr/s-l140.jpg
2015 Bowman Chrome; 1st Bowman Autograph; Mike Soroka; BCA-MS; Braves; Auto

Modification Description: It has an autograph. I don't know, the card came that way.

Item Description:
If you read my other Mike Soroka listing, you'll know that I got super hot opening 2015 Bowman Chrome and pulled not one, but two, Mike Soroka autographs. I haven't been able to repeat that time in my life, so I'm selling all my cards in complete disgust and I'm giving up on this whole card collecting thing. I'm just gonna go back to collecting my true passion, collecting celebrity hair. Oh, if you have any celebrity hair, I would be willing to trade this card for what you got.

I'm not gonna be that guy who charges an arm and a leg for a card and then add the shipping costs on top of it; that seems rude, but if you do that, I'm not passing judgement. Now if this was like a $4 card, you wouldn't be so lucky. The card is $4, why would I eat $3 to make like $0.75 on a $4 card? I was born at night, but not last night, you know what I mean? Don't be mad at me though, blame the Chinese Communist Party.

If you're a Braves fan, you're in luck, cause it looks like this guy plays for the Braves. If you aren't a Braves fan, that's cool too, just put it on a dart board and aim for the head. Don't be like Thor and be all arrogant and not go for the head. What, you wanna be the guy who let the other guy kill off half of all living creatures? Do you really want that on your conscious? Didn't think so.

I'm gonna list this as a "Best Offer" listing, but I swear, if you offer me $15, I'm going to write a sternly worded letter and mail it to your mom.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/hsUAAOSw6wdei-2~/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Heritage High #; Refractor; Christian Yelich; Brewers; #THC-720; /999

Item Description
Look at this fancy card! If it were any fancier you'd be eating escargot off of it, while some snooty waiter holds his nose up at you for being just another stupid American. The French are rude people.

It was really hard to take a picture of this card because the light kept bouncing off of it like how a baseball bounces off of Jose Canseco's head.

Once I figured that out, I noticed something interesting about this card. On the back it says "THC". I wasn't aware that Topps was pro-marijuana legalization, but it's right there plain as day. For you pot heads, it's up in the top corner, on the right, on the back of the card, in the circle, and, yes, I'm hungry too.

Then, it says out of 999, which means it's pretty rare. Only 998 other people have one. Maybe you guys can join a club. You could be called "The guys with the 2018 Topps Heritage High Number Christian Yelich refactor card numbered to 999 club". A shorter name might be needed. That acronym is out of control.

Anyways, Christian Yelich doesn't look like he wants to be there for the picture, but you definitely want to be here buying the card. Buy the card, join the club, meet new people. You can thank me later.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/VUgAAOSwC4Zei~xF/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Series 2; Short Print Variation; SP; Roberto Clemente; Pirates; #544

Item description:

First there was Blackbeard, and then Long John Silver, Captain Hook, and Jack Sparrow, but none were feared more than the most famous Pirate of them all, Roberto Clemente; or as Topps use to call him Bob Clemente.

When he wasn't making mutineers walk the plank, or porting in Tortuga, Roberto Clemente was hitting baseballs really far. Some say he could hit a baseball from bow to stern, and higher than the biggest mast ever seen.

Legend has it, that before Roberto Clemente met Davey Jones' Locker, he secretly stashed away a treasure so big, anyone who found it would be the most wealthiest person in the world.

There's a catch, though. If you took the treasure you would be cursed for an eternity having to play for the Baltimore Orioles. So, in my opinion, I'd leave the treasure be.

This card can be yours for 500 pence.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/BHsAAOSwq8Feml7C/s-l140.jpg
2020 Topps Opening Day; Vladimir Guerrero Jr.; Red Foil Parallel; Blue Jays; #33

Item description:

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. walks into a bar with a bag and orders a drink.

After awhile, the bartender asks him, “What is in the bag?”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. says, “Nothing, don’t worry about it”

The night continues and the bartender keeps asking but Vladimir Guerrero Jr. keeps giving him the same answer.

Towards the end of the night the bartender offers Vladimir Guerrero Jr. a free beer if Vladimir Guerrero Jr. shows him what is in the bag.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. agrees.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. reaches into the bag and pulls out a tiny piano and Jose Altuve sits down and starts playing the piano.

The bartender says, “Wow! That’s amazing! Where did you find Jose Altuve?”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. looks up and says, “I have this magic lamp that grants me wishes, but the stupid thing is broken.”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. then hands the bartender the lamp and says, “You can try it if you want.”

The bartender happily grabs the lamp and wishes for a million bucks and the room is suddenly filled with a million trash cans.

“This thing is definitely broken!” says the bartender.

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. replies, “Just have a friend bang it when a fastball is coming and eventually you'll make a million bucks screwing Owners, fans, and fellow players on your way to a new contract.”

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/4XYAAOSw3kFeimMg/s-l140.jpg
1967 Topps Venezuelan; Rico Carty; Braves; #282

Item description:

Let's be honest, this card has seen better days. It's a 1967 baseball card from Venezuela made with what appears to be tissue paper, forged together like some Japanese swordsmith making a katana in the feudal 1400's.

Here's what I know, these cards are exceedingly rare and some question whether they were actually made by Topps. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't, nobody will ever know. I made sure of that!

Here is a card of Rico Carty, who may, or may not, be the father of Otis Nixon. Nobody has ever come up with the answer to that.

On the back, it says a bunch of stuff in Spanish. I used Google Translate and this is what it said:

"The strong Dominican slugger has one of the most curious records in baseball, that of hitting 2 home runs in the same turn, when he played in the International League; When hitting the first, an umpire canceled it because he had sung time and when he returned to hitting, he bounced back to the bleachers. Started in 1960 as a catcher but was turned outfielder by the Braves."

Umpires, amirite? Anyways, I didn't know umpires could cancel home runs because of singing, but that's what it says, so it must be true.

Either way, this card can be yours, if you want it. All you gotta do is buy it now!

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/zXcAAOSwPRtejQvI/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Series 2; Negative; St. Louis Cardinals Team Card; #690

Item description:

Here's a weird one. We got a negative of the St. Louis Cardinals team card.

I was looking at the odds and it says you get one negative card out of every 155 hobby packs. I mean, that's just crazy. There's 350 cards that are so called "negative". So, the odds of pulling this card is like 1 in 800 billion. My math is a little fuzzy.

Either way, you want the card and I want to sell the card. What more is there to discuss? Okay, fine. I'll share more.

Did you know the Cardinals are named after Cardinal Richelieu?

He was a French clergyman and statesman. He was consecrated as a bishop in 1607 and was appointed Foreign Secretary in 1616. Richelieu soon rose in both the Catholic Church and the French government, becoming a cardinal in 1622, and King Louis XIII's chief minister in 1624. He remained in office until his death in 1642; he was succeeded by Cardinal Mazarin, whose career he had fostered.

Cardinal de Richelieu was often known by the title of the king's "Chief Minister" or "First Minister". He sought to consolidate royal power and crush domestic factions. By restraining the power of the nobility, he transformed France into a strong, centralized state. His chief foreign policy objective was to check the power of the Austro-Spanish Habsburg dynasty and to ensure French dominance in the Thirty Years' War that engulfed Europe. Although he was a cardinal, he did not hesitate to make alliances with Protestant rulers in an attempt to achieve his goals. While a powerful political figure, events like the Day of the Dupes (Jour des Dupes) show that in fact he very much depended on the king's confidence to keep this power.

Knowing all this, the question isn't whether you want the card. The question is how soon can you have it.

Probably in a week.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/f-oAAOSwQmhejAGt/s-l140.jpg
2018 Topps Series 2; Vintage Stock; Trevor Bauer; Indians; #413; /99

Item description:

Last Winter, he took a European tour, which included a session of study at the University of North Wales. He loves Swedish death metal, flying drones, web designing, and puppies. He's from Valencia, California.

Let me welcome Trevor Bauer.

Now prospective buyer, I'm sure you're familiar with the game, but briefly I'll tell you what's gonna happen. I'll ask the questions, when time is up Trevor Bauer must make up his mind, and that's all there is to it.

Pay attention, have some fun, and good luck.

If you want to win Trevor Bauer's heart, you must answer these three questions.

"If you asked Trevor Bauer to a dinner and a show, but you remember you forgot cash and paycheck, how would you convince Trevor Bauer he'd rather go for hamburger and a drive-in instead?"

"If Trevor Bauer burst out crying, just as you're about to kiss him goodnight. How would you react?"

"Pretend you are Confucius. What would be a special little proverb about Trevor Bauer?"

Okay, time is up. Trevor Bauer will make his decision.

Or, you can skip all this and pay $10.99 + shipping. Then, Trevor Bauer will be yours.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/uNgAAOSwYxBek~Zc/s-l140.jpg
1962 Official Milwaukee Braves Scorecard; 7/19/1962; Hank Aaron home-run

Item description:

On July 19th, 1962, my Grandfather decided to take my 9 year-old Dad to go see the Braves vs. the SF Giants.

It was my Dad's first ever game, and he was really excited to see Hank Aaron play, and boy did he get to see him play!

In the 4th inning, Aaron took Mike McCormick deep for a solo home run, and my Grandfather almost caught it!

That is until some drunk Giants fan pushed him over and snagged the ball first.

All hell broke loose!

Fists were flying! And it took everything my Grandfather had to restrain my Dad from beating the drunk Giants fan to death!

He didn't get the ball, but he got this program. In the melee some soda was spilled on it, as you can tell.

Great story, right? Well, now the story can be yours when you buy this program.

Do whatever you want with the story. It wasn't a drunk Giants fan? It was 2 of them? It wasn't my Dad? It was my Mom? Sure, go ahead. It's your story. Did my Mom get locked up until she was 18 as a ward of the great state of Georgia? Sure, but that's true, so you'll have to embellish more. Either way, the program and the story is yours.

You're welcome.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/EAgAAOSw8CBelACm/s-l140.jpg
2017 Bowman Chrome Autograph; Lot of 2; Patrick Weigel; Braves; #CDA-PW; Auto


Item description:
Here we have a lot of 2.

It's two cards of twin brothers, Patrick Weigel and Patrick Weigel.

Their parents, honestly, have a sick sense of humor. Why on Earth, would you give identical twins the same exact name? How cruel!

It was quite fortunate for them that they were both drafted by the Braves. Now they get to play together, which is nice.

What's really perplexing is how they both sign their cards the exact same way. That's spooky.

What's also confusing is how Topps didn't even notice they're twins and numbered the cards exactly the same. How is someone supposed to know who is who if the cards are numbered the same? It should be "PA-PW" and "PA/PW", or something like that. Of course Topps would make such an error. They're always screwing things up.

Anyways, this is a pretty sweet lot of cards.

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/-vsAAOSws4NeiqRA/s-l140.jpg
2015 Bowman; Autograph; Mike Soroka; Braves; #181; Auto

Item description:
I'm gonna be honest, I was super hyped over Mike Soroka and rushed to eBay to buy an autographed Bowman Chrome. In my rush I failed to notice that this wasn't Chrome, and instead it was a Bowman signed by Soroka himself. Drats!

Of course, I don't have any Certificate or picture to prove this to be true, but either the guy I bought it from is the world's best signature forger, or Mike Soroka actually signed the card. I put my money on the latter.

No, but seriously, I got this card signed while on a trip to Atlanta by a guy who said he was Mike Soroka. He looked like Mike Soroka, so I believed him. Now that I think about it, though, everyone was calling him Mark. Weird.

No, but seriously, seriously. No joke this time. This is a card signed by Mike Soroka himself. It's pretty obvious if you've looked at his Bowman Chrome autograph. With that said, I'm not gonna charge the same as a Bowman Chrome Autograph. That would be ridiculous.

Because of it not being a Bowman Chrome, I'm gonna go ahead and pay for the shipping and offer a 30-day return (And no eBay isn't forcing me to have the 30-day return. I'm choosing to have it. So there, eBay, suck it!). If you don't believe it's actually a real Mike Soroka autograph, just return it, but I think once it is in your hand you'll know it's the real deal.

And anyways, who wants an autograph from Mike Soroka where he was forced to sign 10,000 of them at one time, like some 13-year old Chinese girl putting together iPhones during an 18 hour shift at her local sweatshop? Dreaming about the day where she can one day leave that god forsaken land, while looking out of the window and seeing maintenance install netting on the sides of the roof to prevent employees from committing suicide.

I’d rather have my autograph from Mike Soroka where he was free to sign it. I mean, this is America, right?!?! Land of the free?!?! What are you, some kind of Communist?

Now that I think about it, I should be charging like $250 for this card! But, wait, I already committed to pricing it less, and I’m a man of my word. What do you think, I’m some member of the Chinese Communist Party? No, I’m an American!

So, support your country and buy this card.

USA! USA! USA! USA!

[thenightman]

https://i1.ebayimg.com/images/g/XIcAAOSwedNeilz4/s-l140.jpg
1966 Topps Venezuelan; Dan Osinski; Braves; #168

Item description:
In 1968, my Mom's side of the family lived in Venezuela for a short spell. That year, my uncle, 14 at the time, was a guest on the popular game show Super Sabado Sensacional. He played this Plinko type game and won a bunch of Venezuelan baseball cards. All the kids at school were super jealous! They told him to glue them to scrap books, but he knew better. He put them in a box and left them there, because he knew that in 50 years these cards would be extremely rare and he'd use them as a means to retire.

In the box they stayed, until 1971 when a huge hurricane hit the island, as well as my grandparents house. Everything was lost, including the baseball cards! While my Grandparents were lamenting the loss of their house, my uncle was heartbroken over the loss of his potential financial windfall once he retired.

While my Grandparents were picking up the pieces of their former life, my Uncle, in the deepest despair, looked over at a little bush that had been able to survive the storm, inside the bush he saw something sensacional. He saw this card! The only card left! My uncle knew, at the tender age of 16, that this card was going to be the answer to all his prayers. That also explains why the card is in the shape that it's in.

He knew that if he held onto this card, it would give him the financial security he needed in his old age.

Well, anyways, my Grandparents, and everyone else, moved back to America; where they lived the rest of their lives.

This card wasn't the answer my Uncle was looking for to set him for life, but he kept it anyways. One day, as a boy, I saw the card and my Uncle told me the whole story I just told you, and then he gave me the card.

Now the card can be yours at the sensacional price of $14.99.