The Baseball Jokes Thread

[skydasher15]

Let's make a thread with all of the baseball jokes that we know! There's got to be some good ones out there. I'll start things off with this:

A symphony orchestra is performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there's a long section where the bass violinists don't have to do anything. Several of the bassists decide to sneak offstage and grab a few drinks from the bar next door during this time. After the bass violinists have all had a few drinks, one of them looks at his watch.

"Hey! We need to get back!" he says frantically.

"Don't panic," says one of the other bassists. "I used some string to fasten together the last couple of pages of the conductor's score. By the time he finishes untangling it, we'll be back in plenty of time."

A few minutes later, the tipsy bass violinists staggered back into the concert hall and took their seats on the orchestra again. At this time, a member of the audience noticed that the conductor seemed nervous. When she asked her companion why, the companion replied:

"Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded!"

[magicpapa]

Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says: "Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there." Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name. "Who's there?" he called out. "Moe! It's me Sam!" "Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked. "It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him. "Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied. "Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven." "That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?" "Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."

[webb_jr]

A Tigers fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them. One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?" "I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest. "Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road. Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time. Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. Not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything. He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan." "That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

[Thommy]

The Chicago Cubs

[callou2131]

Prospect rush

[Randyjbeck]

The Chicago Cubs

First thing I thought

[SportsAutoFreak]

Madison Bumgarner emerged in the end as the winner of the N.L. Cy Young. His performance down the stretch rode his team into the playoffs. Clayton Kershaw was rock solid as usual, getting his club into the postseason.

In the NLCS, Kershaw and Bumgarner went head-to-head in Game 7 for the pennant. Kershaw threw a complete game shutout, earning NLCS MVP honors. Bumgarner gave up six runs in two innings.

At the presentation, the MVP was being interviewed and said: It's unbelievable how I legally changed my name from Madison Bumgarner to Clayton Kershaw and my opponent legally changed his name from Clayton Kershaw to Madison Bumgarner and I still dominated while he got lit up.

[texmcpherson]

The Chicago Cubs

Lay off, everyone can have a bad century.

http://media.giphy.com/media/fBFU1KxGhyhUI/giphy.gif

[SportsAutoFreak]

Lay off, everyone can have a bad century.

http://media.giphy.com/media/fBFU1KxGhyhUI/giphy.gif

It's only three more quarter centuries until the Dodgers are in the same boat.

[xtremecardage13]

This page has some good ones (Baseball Jokes (http://www.baseball-almanac.com/humor3.shtml) ) but I really like this one:

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

[exitmusicblue]

In twenties LOL

[SportsAutoFreak]

Another one popped into my head last night.

The most miraculous event in human history took place at a cemetery in Pittsburgh. One hand had reached out of a grave, then the other. He wiggled and fought hard, but he rose back to life. No person had ever rose from the dead, but this elderly man somehow pulled it off.

He wad up in years at the time of his passing, so he wasn't in great shape, but managed to persevere and walk. With no money, a $10 bill was blown to his feet by the wind. Someone must have dropped it.

The man was hungry and decided to go to a convenience store to get his first meal. He bought a sandwich and also a sctrach off ticket.

As if it wasn't enough he had rose from his grave and had found $10.00, he also bought a winning ticket for the lottery.

He cashed his ticket in, and was compensated.

The person who gave him his money asked: So, Mr. Wagner, what are you going to do with that $170.00 you won?

Honus Wagner: Give Jason Mars his money back.

[skydasher15]

These jokes are great! Here's another one:

A Blue Jays fan, an Orioles fan, a Yankees fan, and a Red Sox fan are climbing a mountain. On the way to the top, the four of them argue about whose team is the best in the AL East. When they get to the top, they find a cliff.

The Blue Jays fan yells "THIS IS FOR THE JAYS!" and throws himself off the cliff.

Following suit, the Orioles fan yells "THIS IS FOR THE ORIOLES!" and throws himself off the cliff.

Then the Red Sox fan yells "THIS IS FOR THE SOX!" and pushes the Yankees fan off the cliff.