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Old 03-20-2018, 09:21 AM   #1
hairysasquatch
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Default Who Are the Characters at Your Gym?

I have been hitting my local gym regularly since last August. Since then I have observed an interesting cast of characters that I will detail below. Who Are the Characters at Your Gym?

Old Lady on recumbent bike reading paperback book

Spinal deformity guy who sets machines to max weight does 5 reps counting out loud while weights crash and bang then moves on to next carrying his bag to each station

Divorced guy who went from skinny to miniature version of tanned Charles Atlas to keep up with his new Russian girlfriend half his age (disclosure: I know this dude)

The Giver of Birth - small squatty woman who yells while lifting like she is delivering quadruplets simultaneously

Roids Bros - a collection of shaved head, tatted, convict-looking, ripped guys who move in a group and leave behind their pill bottles advertising sick gainz

Offensive shirt guy - one of the Roids Bros who walks around wearing shirts that say things like "why are your boobs staring at my eyes?" because he knows no one will mess with him

Spanx girl - self explanatory, need more of these

Squabbling Couple - short hetero couple who seem to do a joint routine while working in a healthy dose of arguing, name-calling, and airing dirty laundry

Off Duty Cops - spend a lot of time on cell phones while working out in a somehat desultory manner, filling out forms that suggest they might have to log their workouts?
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:36 AM   #2
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When I use to be a gym rat (long time ago) there were always the same 2 guys at the gym no matter what time I got there. They were both really jacked but I swear I never once saw them do any lifting at all. The most annoying part is that they would always take up one of the only 4 benches, cover it in chalk and throw out like 15 work out mags on it never to be even touched.
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:45 AM   #3
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Coke boys

Always at the gym
Never work out
Meet a few clients in bathroom for a deal
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:56 AM   #4
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Hairy Sasquatch looking guy eyeing everyone up, taking notes in a notebook
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:58 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by hreed2 View Post
When I use to be a gym rat (long time ago) there were always the same 2 guys at the gym no matter what time I got there. They were both really jacked but I swear I never once saw them do any lifting at all. The most annoying part is that they would always take up one of the only 4 benches, cover it in chalk and throw out like 15 work out mags on it never to be even touched.
I never understood that, or the guy who looks prime Swarzenegger, pumps 5 biceps curls then starts texting on his phone for 20 mins, then leaves the gym.
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Old 03-20-2018, 10:25 AM   #6
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Hairy Sasquatch looking guy eyeing everyone up, taking notes in a notebook
We have a hairy Sasquatch guy who wears a ski mask at the gym and gets all the ladies looks
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Old 03-20-2018, 10:29 AM   #7
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We have an old guy that comes in and does all the leg exceecises including the funny ones where you try to not make eye contact with people. I do them too but they are just funny

This one:
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Old 03-20-2018, 10:31 AM   #8
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There’s also a lady with cancer, I assume, no hair at all and always wears a hat. But she always has a great workout and seems very driven. She makes work harder when I see her. She puts my workouts to shame.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:09 AM   #9
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We have a douchewad that every time he is there is either yelling out each rep or with his shirt off in the personal training section posing. This is an L.A. Fitness btw, not a Gold’s Gym from the 70’s.

As for categorization: High school weight room guy
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:09 AM   #10
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Middle Aged Guy in Track Suit: Dressed like he could go coach Junior Varsity basketball team at drop of a text message, on tread mill for ten minutes with no stretching before hand, doesn't work up a sweat, grabs keys and leaves after being at gym for twelve minutes total. Favorite restaurant is Buffalo Wild Wings.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:24 AM   #11
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You forgot that one smelly guy who could have at least bathed in the past week before coming to the gym.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:29 AM   #12
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:46 AM   #13
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If I'm on #30 on my pushup and a cute girl walk by I'll change it to 77, 78, 79, 80 etc.

I guess I'm a charlatan outside as well.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:49 AM   #14
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The Old Guys - They hit the ellipticals. They don't ogle the chicks. They give killer restaurant recommendations. They're friendly in general.

The Naked Girl - Probably 19, looks 16, basically wears a swimsuit while she works out with her boitoi. Strong camgirl vibes.

The Angry Asian - College student. No sense of personal space. Will move other people's stuff if it gets in his way, which is often. Glares at people using the machine he wants.

The Inspirations - There are a few of overweight, middle-aged women who come in and put in real work. They probably get the most out of the gym of anyone there and I commend them.

Mikey - Loud. Italian. Mid-twenties. Met him my first day at the gym after we moved to town. First thing he did was invite me and my wife to hang out with him and his girl. Haven't seen him since. Still not sure if they were swingers or just really friendly.

The Machines - The 3 or 4 shaved head, late 30s guys who spend 30 minutes warming up before absolutely killing it on the treadmills and stairclimbers. Followed by 30 minutes cooling down with the foam rollers.

The Silverback - An absolutely massive, probably late 50s man who doesn't speak to anyone and spends 10 minutes between sets with weight that would crush another man.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:11 PM   #15
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Nothing like a guy working out in a nice basketball jersey.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:18 PM   #16
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Thank you to whoever invented the yoga pants. They actually fit nicely on me
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:20 PM   #17
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Quote:
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Hairy Sasquatch looking guy eyeing everyone up, taking notes in a notebook
perfect response
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:21 PM   #18
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Older guy whose stomach is as high as rack doing 250+ bench at midnight

Ghetto high school kids playing basketball with gym bags clearly smelling like weed

Only work out the butt chicks
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:22 PM   #19
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Middle Aged Guy in Track Suit: Dressed like he could go coach Junior Varsity basketball team at drop of a text message, on tread mill for ten minutes with no stretching before hand, doesn't work up a sweat, grabs keys and leaves after being at gym for twelve minutes total. Favorite restaurant is Buffalo Wild Wings.
I resemble that remark
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:30 PM   #20
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The Social Media Guy/Gal - This person will constantly be taking selfies and/or be checking in at the gym.

The Sweaty Guy - usually an older guy who sweats profusely all over the gym equipment. He will not wipe his sweat up after he is finished with the machine/mat.

The Equipment Squatter - This person will refuse to leave the piece of equipment until all his sets are finished and will give the stink eye to anyone who tries to use it.

After years of encountering these kinds of people, I built my own garage gym. Cost a good amount up front but saves in fees/gas/time/aggravation in the long run.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:43 PM   #21
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The Social Media Guy/Gal - This person will constantly be taking selfies and/or be checking in at the gym.

The Sweaty Guy - usually an older guy who sweats profusely all over the gym equipment. He will not wipe his sweat up after he is finished with the machine/mat.

The Equipment Squatter - This person will refuse to leave the piece of equipment until all his sets are finished and will give the stink eye to anyone who tries to use it.

After years of encountering these kinds of people, I built my own garage gym. Cost a good amount up front but saves in fees/gas/time/aggravation in the long run.
no chicks in yoga pants though
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:45 PM   #22
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The Hispanics that was just release from the joint.
They all watch you as you walk by them, thinking you might shank them like that scene in American Me.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:49 PM   #23
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The Gym is My Home Guy/Gal - these individuals treat the gym as if they were at home. This individual indulges in eating/getting dressed in between sets. Last weekend when I was there, this older lady had thrown her half eaten egg sandwich on the ground next to her luggage that engulfed the bench she was “using”.
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Old 03-20-2018, 01:13 PM   #24
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no chicks in yoga pants though
So true.....

Although, I can always put some entertainment on the tv.
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Old 03-20-2018, 02:45 PM   #25
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One more came to mind.....

The free swinging, testicle showing, old guy in the locker room. He gives zero effs that he has been walking around naked between the shower, the lockers, the sink, and the toilet for 15 minutes. He may also have droopy man boobs but, again, zero cares. This gentleman will also have other men his age parade around while shooting the poo talking of when times were better.
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